Embracing Fear

I’ve heard the phrase, “choose love over fear” many times during my spiritual journey. At this point, I’ve heard so many different people express and explain it that I’m not even sure who to credit with the phrase. 

Every single time I heard it though, it made sense to me. Love invites us to expand – to trust, believe, and hope that all will be well. While fear most often invites us to contract, leading us to doubt and worry. The invitation to choose love – to choose to trust even when my mind is filled with fear – is a liberating one.

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Spiritual Liberation has been my focus now for years. What is Spiritual Liberation, you ask? My favorite definition is from Michael Beckwith. In his book Spiritual Liberation, he writes that it's, “Becoming free from the narrow confines of fear, doubt, worry, and lack, and living instead from a conscious awareness of one's Authentic Self, one's true nature of wholeness.”

It's a beautiful definition, isn't it? … And also, a little fluffy? Intangible? What does it offer to those of us living in “the real world?” (With needs and bills and a very clear understanding of society's problems.) 

This year, my focus has been on making the concept of Spiritual Liberation tangible and actionable - not just something that frees my spirit and allows me to meditate better. But something that changes my life and helps me to take action to create the reality I truly want.

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Until last week, the concept of “choosing love over fear” was “helping” me take action to create the reality I wanted. Honestly, the entire journey of becoming and owning the fact that I am now an entrepreneur has been filled with fear for me. I descend from lineages of hard-working Black folks from the South who value stability, security, and the ability to provide for one's family above all else. I am so proud of my ancestry. And also, the family programming I experienced around the risks of leaving a steady, full-time job (even if said job was toxic and soul-sucking) made it very difficult to feel safe and secure in my decision to run my own business.

So, “choosing love over fear” has been something I returned to over and over again throughout this journey, to help me keep moving forward. Except … it didn't help me move forward enough. I say that because I now recognize that fear truly is a messenger and a teacher. And in order to get very clear about what it's trying to tell you, you can't push it away. You can't choose love “over” it, you need to choose to love it. You have to bring fear closer. You have to sit with it. You have to learn from it. 

Or at least, I did and am. And the revelations it has brought me have been powerful. 

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I was inspired to sit with my fear again after listening to one of my IIN Health Coaching lectures by Mastin Kipp. To be completely honest with you, I was prepared to be underwhelmed by his talk. Then he said, “We’ve demonized fear. We’ve made fear something to hate. We’ve made it the opposite of love. But love – true love – has no opposite.” 

Love has no opposite. Oof, I needed that reminder. 

So many times, I've been frustrated with the fear-based mental blocks that have been “keeping me from leaning fully into entrepreneurship.” But do you know what fear has been trying to do? Protect me. Fear simply wants to keep me safe and secure. That's all.

There's no need to choose love over fear - because even my fears love me. They want me to be safe. They want to protect me from failure, rejection, burnout, and instability. And by pushing them away, I missed all of the love that was fueling them. By pushing fear away to “choose love," I missed opportunities to check in with the parts of myself that were afraid and say, “It's okay. This path is safe for us too.” 

By “choosing love over fear,” I was pushing fear away and missing opportunities to love myself more.

I wonder if there's something that fear has been “holding you back” from too? I wonder if you've tried to push the fear away too? Or perhaps you've taken the “do it afraid” approach? (That's great if you have!) 

Today, I wanted to invite you to embrace your fear. To sit with it and learn from it. What does it want to share with you? What does it want to teach you? And what do you need to teach it? How can you offer love to your fear, and what happens when you do?

Taking action to create the reality you want requires a level of clarity and confidence that many people rarely experience. Yet, we are all worthy and deserving of the assuredness that allows us to move with purpose no matter what's happening in our inner world or the outer world. 

So, embrace your fears. Get clear on what they're telling you. Let them know it's okay, that you got this. And move with purpose toward the future you truly want.